So lets be honest a lot of us are hella lonely. Majority of people, other women and even men, maybe even your mates think being at home all the time is ah-ma-zing i mean, who doesn’t love to watch Netflix from bed? but what they don’t realise is with the freedom to eat dinner in your PJs comes hand in hand with a good old friend – loneliness.
Now, this is a topic I’ve wrestled with and I haven’t really talked a ton about it before because let’s be honest you can easily offend other mamas and I ain’t about that. Plus I am a huge introvert and truly love my own company and being at home.
BUT here’s the thing I know a lot of you can relate to. Being a stay at home mum is not the same as simply being home. It is straight up hard work you are isolated, people don’t really understand what you do, loneliness can become a really good friend of yours.
A lot of the time being a stay at home is glamourised especially with social media like Instagram. Obviously, there are definitely good parts and benefits. I mean you’re able to stay home with your child watching them grow and teaching them. Honestly, I will take the benefits over the challenges any day of the week but the truth is I really think its lonely and draining. You can literally go days without adult interaction besides your spouse. I am a self-proclaimed hermit but i have realised that there is a genuine need for outside interaction.
I remember my last day of work before our surprise delivery. I also remember the first few months and years as a new stay home parent. On average having a daily interaction with zero or 1 person if I were lucky. You quickly start to create some bad habits. I found myself sitting in bed watching seasons of the Kardashians not really understanding what it meant to be a stay at home parent. Some people may look at you envious and think god that is the life but what they don’t realise is that you are either working from that space (whether that’s working your job) or keeping a tiny human alive all whilst keeping the house from falling down around you and your life in order. What they don’t realise is your living in that space, working in that space and there is no separation.
You need that separation for your sanity!
A lot of times that separation can really separate you from other human beings in a way that creates a sense of loneliness. I know I have felt that I really had seasons of straight up loneliness and feeling that nobody understood what I was going through yet that I should feel privileged and enjoy it not be essentially “complaining” about it
So here are my 5 tips for navigating loneliness if you’re a stay at home mum.
1 // super simple go outside
Go for a walk get outta that door as often as possible. getting some fresh air will really help clear your mind. As a bonus, your body is moving which creates endorphins so in return you feel better. Maybe you will see a friendly face and some of that much-needed interaction. It’s a good way to get your eyes of the screens and those seemingly “perfect” social media lives.
2 // Join a group
I feel very contradictory about this. I didn’t join a physical group I just didn’t want to answer questions which honestly, they may never have been asked. Now I wish I met other parents even though you feel alone you never have to actually be that way. you can discuss what you’re going through becoming a parent is crazy and life-altering. Facebook groups for newborn babies anything just recognise that parenting community. Being able to say so I’m not alone is a really cool way of having a sense of community. something will never replace face to face interaction so when you can meet up with other mamas go for walks grab a coffee. Regardless what it is honestly this can truly impact your experience.
3 // exercise
I am not talking weight loss and running on treadmills non of that isolation crap. I mean take up yoga or pilates something gentle but has a huge impact and benefits your mind! This changed my life when I don’t do yoga I feel the difference in my body. if you can get out for baby yoga even better! Nobody talks about how hard it is to find friends right? These kind of groups could be a game changer. Anything that works for you.
4 // Try and have regular date nights
There is no set rule just set aside a day, no phones no distractions and spend time with your partner. it is something to look forward to. Its so easy to get into a habit of saying “how was your day”? “umm ok how was yours”? and then you just sit and watch tv. Date night is good for your mental health and its good for your soul. Order in food, rent a movie put your phone away and challenge yourself to connect intentionally.
5 // Seek out like-minded people
As somebody who writes a blog seeking out other bloggers and getting together to work. A coffee shop or grab lunch, a library anywhere it just nice to just talk to somebody. Even having your headphones in just being within somebody else’s presence might be enough. Take the kids or get childcare just seek out other like-minded people can really combat loneliness.
so, guys, I hope this helps. Check out my post: Rediscovering my identity
A little reminder, everybody’s parenting journey is different. This has been written from my point of view and experiences. I can literally go weeks without much adult interaction, and I get so consumed inside my home. little small changes can really help you take charge and your daily routine can help you feel refuelled instead of daunting.