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Twenty-sixteen was a particularly difficult year, I was still trying to manage a family breakdown which was necessary but wasn’t easy especially for my mental health. Then in November, I was diagnosed with depression which had manifested five years earlier from a traumatic life event – The beginnings of Motherhood. My journey into Motherhood. For an insight into the nitty gritty read my previous post – Our Birth Story. I completely lost my identity, for the next five years, I have been on a little journey to rediscover it.
go to link Although I knew for some time that things weren’t quite right my diagnosis still came as a shock, and I was in denial for some time. I didn’t want to acknowledge that dark cloud hovering over me. Having to acknowledge past events and be honest that I wasn’t coping was and still is difficult to admit.
http://fiveonenine.ca/2013/10/giving-thanks/ Plus on top of that, I had become so obsessed with everything going wrong and become very disconnected with myself, so the journey in being my own definition of ‘well’, was confusing and full of frustration.
Our identity should be seen as an ongoing process.
With continuous work on me, my mind and mental health, I am ready to rediscover who I am. The things that I like and where I want to go with the next chapter of my life. I’m currently using mindfulness, pilates and yoga, it’s relaxing my constantly busy mind which I’m finding beneficial. For the moments I need to quieten my mind I’m using headspace guided meditation. Recently I’ve begun using photography as a stress release, getting outside letting pictures do the talking. I even added a photography section to my blog because I’m enjoying it that much.
Right now I’m happy, exceptionally happy especially with myself, I no longer feel guilty for that happiness. I feel healthier and my days are enjoyable.
When I truly started to love myself from the inside out and work on all the emotional baggage I had been carrying with me, I realised the true meaning of strength and vulnerability.